On Friday, August 28th, we had two appointments.  The first was the ultrasound/Doppler and the second was for the echocardiograms for all three girls.  I was able to travel down here for the weekend after leaving work on Thursday night.  The ultrasounds were the same as Wednesday, that being Ruby and Madison normal (“5”) with Olivia in absent/intermittent reverse flow or “3/4” as we’ve talked before.  We praised God for that good news.

We then went to our scheduled echocardiograms at 1pm and waited for the results and meeting with the surgeon at 5:30pm.   We were both exhausted so we got comfortable and rested.  We knew there had to be a good reason for the echo’s but my gut feeling was that we were meeting with the surgeon as a “wrap up” since we had decided that any surgical option was no longer being considered.  Wrong answer.  What we got neither of us expected.  We learned that Madison had advanced cardiomyopathy, as a result of twin-twin transfusion syndrome.  While Olivia’s Doppler’s and below average growth were major concerns, Madison’s heart was quietly getting sicker.  We had done echo’s when we first arrived and then again a week later and the doctor’s had noted some abnormality in Madison on the second test.  The second abnormal test coupled with the doctor’s knowledge that we weren’t “out of the woods” for TTTS was what necessitated the follow up exam on Friday.   Our surgeon communicated our options with clarity and kindness.  We could re-consider the surgery and face the risk imposed to everyone, Allison included or let “nature take its course” as he put it.  When we left the hospital we both quickly realized that surgery was off the table.  In the previous cases similar to ours, the doctors had been successful in separating the placenta’s but all four sets of twins eventually passed away.  Again, the reason for this is the cord insertions for the babies were too close (<2cm) and there were too many major vessels that were taken out in the process of separating the placenta.    It seemed to us that the benefit of the surgery wouldn’t be there, so taking all the extra risks made no sense at all.  Our choice was expectant waiting.  We went and got some dinner and talked about the implications of the day.  It seemed medically that the doctors felt like we were going to loose two of our three girls and that we were fortunate to have the third be doing so well.  In their minds while they understood our pain, their experience told them we should also have grateful hearts, given that they had seen many other family’s deal with TTTS and lose the whole pregnancy.  We struggled, cried and prayed our way through Friday night.  We told God we believed He was able to heal them all with one touch and asked Him to do it and that we believed he was “working this all out for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).”

Saturday came and we rose again with heavy hearts.  We had a good breakfast with the Davenports and made plans to go put our feet up and hang out at Barnes and Noble which is 10 minutes from the Davenports’ home.  We stopped and had lunch at Panera and while there, Allison and some severe gastrointestinal pain from restriction (you pregnant ladies know what I mean).  The scary part was while she was dealing with this she saw spots and almost blacked out.  She laid down on a bench but after the symptoms only mildly subsided we decided we better call our doctors.  They suggested we come in so she could get GI relief and they could take a look at the babies and make sure everything was ok.  So we did.  Thankfully one of the doctors from the team that’s been treating us was on the night shift.   Upon viewing the babies through ultrasound he gave us the sad news that he only had two heartbeats.   We had lost one of our girls.  We will find out Monday which one it was for sure, as he said he wanted to consult with his colleagues before making the determination.   Obviously this has all kinds of implications on the pregnancy and we expect to find out more at our appointment on Monday.  While we didn’t expect this, we both felt like we had begun grieving on Friday.  As believers, we believe to be absent from the body here, is to be present with Jesus in heaven and it comforts us to know our little girl is there.  Please pray with us that the other two little girls do well and everything about the pregnancy will be successful and blessed by God.

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